The Sex Theraphist
subject turned to sex. "You know, John and I have
been having some sexual problems", Linda told her
friend. "That's amazing!" Mary replied, "So have Tom
and I. We're thinking of going to a sex therapist",
said Linda. "Oh, we could never do that! We'd be
too embarrassed!", responded Mary. "But after you
go, will you please tell me how it went?"
Several weeks passed, and the two friends met for
lunch again. "So how did the sex therapy work out,
Linda?", Mary asked. "Things couldn't be better!",
Linda exclaimed. "We began with a physical exam,
and afterward the doctor said he was certain he
could help us. He told us to stop at the grocery store
on the way home and buy a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts. He told us to sit on the floor nude, and toss the grapes and donuts at each other. Every grape that went into my vagina, John had to get it out with his tongue. Every donut that I ringed his penis with, I had to eat. Our sex life is wonderful, in fact it's better than it's ever been!"
With that endorsement Mary talked her husband into an appointment with the same sex therapist. After the physical exams were completed the doctor called Mary and Tom into his office. "I'm afraid there is nothing I can do for you," he said. "But doctor," Mary complained, "you did such good for Linda and John, surely you must have a suggestion for us! Please, please, can't you give us some help? Any help at all?" "Well, OK," the doctor answered. "On your way home, I want you to stop at the grocery store and buy a sack of apples and a box of cheerios..."
The Honeymoon
A newlywed couple went to visit the groom's parents out in the country for their honeymoon, as they were short on cash. The first morning of the visit, the groom's mother went to the base of the stairs and yelled, "son, breakfast is ready!"
"No thanks, ma!" the son said, "we're not too hungry this morning!"
The woman, thinking this to be quite out of character, went upstairs and peered into the barely-opened bedroom door. Her son was lying on the bed with a huge erection, while his new wife sat at the other end of the room with a box of glazed donuts. As the mother watched, her new daughter in law tossed a donut across the room and scratched a mark on the wall every time she got a donut around her son's penis.
"How odd," the mother thought, and went back downstairs.
The next morning, she went to the base of the stair again and yelled, "son, breakfast is ready!"
"No thanks ma, we're gonna be skipping breakfast again!" the son yelled back down.
"Skipping breakfast two days in a row?" the mother thought, "that's really odd!" So once again, she crept up the stair to see what the young couple was up to. This time, her new daughter in law was lying on the bed with her legs spread open. Her son sat at the other end of the bedroom with a box of raisins. He tossed raisins across the room at his wife, and every time he got one in her vagina, he made a mark on the wall.
The mother quietly ran back downstairs, this time rather titillated. She called her husband at work.
"What is it?" he asked. "Honey," she replied, "tonight we're trying something different! On your way home, stop at the grocery store and pick up a dozen grapefruit and a box of Cheerios!"
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