The Story of the Forbidden Donuts
By Donna Devil
Now this may come as a shock to you, but the story
of how we all fell from grace with God is not true. It
was made up by people who don’t want you to know
the real truth! Yes, the first man and woman lived in
Paradise, and yes, they were kicked out, but not for
eating an apple.
True, the original story involves an apple, but the apple
didn't have anything to do with anything. Neither did
the snake nor the fig leaves Adam and Eve eventually
had to wear for clothing. No, this you see was Paradise.
And in Paradise, snakes are nice and friendly creatures
and clothing was optional in the universe’s first nudist
colony.
So why were Adam and Eve kicked out of Paradise? We’ll
it seems we have no one to blame but ourselves.
As the story goes, on the sixth day of creation, God
created Man. Later that night, God took a rib from Adam's
side and made Woman. When Adam awoke the following
morning, he found a beautiful woman, Eve, lying asleep
beside him.
Now Man being a man, what do you suppose he had on
his mind?
Wrong... it was food! Muffins and Jam actually, but we'll
get to that in a moment.
That same morning God spoke to Adam and Eve and told them, "All this Paradise is for you. Help yourself to anything you like. But never, ever, eat the food that’s in the box in the middle of the Garden. That particular food will addict you and will give you pleasures of a very sinful nature. The day you eat the food from the box, you can no longer live here."
So one day, a few weeks later, Eve was out gathering berries (to make more Jam for the muffins Adam liked so much) when she heard a sexy voice behind her.
"Has God told you that it’s now OK to eat the food from the box in the middle of the Garden?" the voice asked. Eve turned around to see a stunningly handsome red Gecko staring at her (it was the Devil in disguise)
"God told us we can eat anything we want except for what’s in that box" Eve told the muscular, six foot tall, red lizard.
"Oh come now, that's silly! I hardly think one bite would do you any harm," the Devil lied. "God just wants to keep the special food in the box all to Himself and doesn't want to share it with you. That seems kind of selfish to me."
So at the prodding of the seductively insistent Devil Gecko, Eve slowly opened the box, looked at the food inside and thought how tasty it looked and how wonderful it would be to eat the same food as God. So Eve believed the Devil's lie and quickly ate one of God's Forbidden Donuts!
But then suddenly Eve began to feel a strange sensation in the pit of her stomach and in her depths of her loins. She fidgeted and wondered what was wrong with her. Suddenly she realized that she was feeling a guilty, yet pleasurable erotic sensation -- she had disobeyed God and knew she'd done something wrong, but it felt oh so good down there!
Eve hurriedly picked a few more donuts from the box and took them back to Adam. They ate the donuts together and sat in orgasmic bliss. But by the next day, a strange change came over Adam and Eve. They became insatiably hungry and just had to have more of the Forbidden Donuts.
Just then Adam and Eve heard God calling them. Without thinking, they dived into the bushes (which unknown to them were full of Poison Ivy), but God knew where they were. When God asked them if they had eaten from the box of Forbidden Donuts that He had told them not to touch, they blamed each other for their sins (the first argument between a Man and Woman) while covering themselves with Fig leaves to stop the itching from the Poison Ivy.
God was sad that Adam and Eve had disobeyed Him. He told them that they had to leave Paradise, "From now on you'll have to have sex to reach orgasm”, He said. “You'll need to make clothes to wear (no nudity allowed outside of Paradise) and you’ll have to find your own food. Nothing will come easily to you and one day, you will die from heart attacks."
So Adam and Eve left Paradise and moved to what eventually became known as New Jersey. There they set up their new home and worked day and night to duplicate the recipe for the Forbidden Donuts God had told them not to eat.
Eventually they discovered the secret ingredient that made God’s Forbidden Donuts so sinfully delicious and they vowed to seduce everyone else in the world with them too. Thus the first Devil Donuts were created which are still addicting people to this day ( get the recipe here )
So that’s the real story of how Man and Woman were created and how we were all excluded from a life in Paradise all because of the Devil and a box of donuts.
-DD
PS: God was so pissed that the Devil Gecko had corrupted Adam and Eve that all Geckos are now only six inches tall and have to eat flies.
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Oh... and of course the story here isn't true
and by no means is it intended to attack anyone's religion or beliefs, it's just a story so just relax and enjoy it.
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